Ok, Today I’m taking time to just speak my mind. some introspection and just brutal honesty.
I’ve been trying to determine for a while how to gauge my feelings accurately. There are any number of ways I could do it; pros and cons, intensity, but most recently the lack of. I’m not sure what I’ve been feeling but it may just be the need to fulfill some role I’ve had my eye on for a while. My curiosity has gotten increasingly out of hand, and I’m not too sure what I want anymore. I think mainly I want to discover, adventure, explore; all used as verbs mind you. I just want to experience things for a change instead of worrying how people will perceive me. It’s very relieving knowing that I won’t care about how people think of me as much. I mean obviously I’ll have to stick to the social norms but I’m not too worried. It isn’t like I’ll have complete disregard for people, just a little more than normal. I do worry about losing my vantage points though, my little bit of elevation over everyone else. I try to stay one step ahead of the rest, gain favors and the like. I’ll keep you posted about my little experiment. It seems like life just became a big play, I can take any role I wish. But mostly.
I’ve been having a new feeling recently. I’ve been completely unable to pin it down. Entirely foreign. It’s been driving me crazy, my head has been spinning. Each time I think about them I get excited, my heart practically skips a beat and I break out laughing. Probably not the best thing to do in math class, I get a couple of strange looks from my friends around me. They’re used to me doing ridiculous things like this so they take it in stride. I have millions of private jokes, most of them I enjoy by myself, others wouldn’t appreciate them.
My thoughts have no humour in them at all, but I get the same pleasure from it. It’s fantastic, intoxicating, confusing and interesting. I can’t get enough of it, and it’s always in anticipation of this person. It’s like my brain is a pinball machine and the ball is going crazy, I’m getting mad combos all over the place. Blinking lights, bumpers getting hit, shooting the ball up ramps and hitting the multiplier. Sending shivers down my spine and my head spinning. I need to pin down this feeling before it leaves completely. Like a ball swirling down a pitted funnel, it needs to find a niche before it falls out of the bottom.
Hey everybody, After years of bloglessness on the internet, I have finally caved and decided it may do me some good.
So, a little background info: I’ve lived in Daytona for all eighteen years of my life. I grew up in a pretty normal family, I had one brother I shared a room with, others siblings who had moved out or lived else where and more I had never lived with. I was adopted when I was only six months old so there isn’t much to say about foster care, I never experienced the bouncing around homes like some kids did. We did have kids moving in and out of our house fairly often. I learned not to get too attached. That’s enough of an intro for now.
Fast forward to college life…
I entered culinary school in fall of 2010 with not too much passion for food, mainly thinking of a job I could live with for the rest of my life. I’ve since developed strong opinions about everything concerned with our food supplies, I don’t think I can ever get away from food now. I absolutely love it, after being stubbornly picky for the majority of my life every taste is an adventure. I can’t wait to taste new dishes and find new flavor combos to entertain my palate.
So after months of living with an unsatisfactory roommate, I have finally managed to change rooms. I’ve been thinking about changing campuses, there are so many advantages to moving up north that it is hard to think of it as a bad idea. I’m not sure if i should listen to my friends or my family about moving. Mostly I need to listen to myself. One of the only downside is that it is really far away from home. I mean I’m at the bottom of the US and the other campus is at the top. I have a week to decide, let’s hope I get some insight before my deadline is up.